


“When?”

by sohns



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and guanlin’s caught in this shit, uhh jihoon misses jinyoung a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 08:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sohns/pseuds/sohns
Summary: The feeling that Jinyoung brought to Jihoon was special. So special that Jihoon never felt it again after Jinyoung left.





	“When?”

**Author's Note:**

> hi again!! this is my first not-fluff winkdeep story and it’s a lot so sit back and relax :)) also pls leave comments/suggestions/requests they motivate me :o

Jihoon’s lying to himself. No one can tell, not a single soul, but deep down, he knows. He knows he’s not in love with Guanlin. Yes, he kisses him every day, he tells Guanlin he loves him every day, he holds Guanlin’s hand and gives them a small peck and he smiles when Guanlin giggles gently. However, Jihoon has just fallen for a sunshine disguise, distracted by who he’s actually thinking of.

And it breaks Jihoon’s heart. The fact that he’s chasing something he’ll never find, the fact that when he laughs with Guanlin, he’s never genuinely happy, the fact that when they’re lying down together in bed, embraced in each other’s warmness, he’s somewhere else. He realizes that he can’t live in the moment, it’s as if something is holding him back. He looks up to Guanlin and, yes, it’s real and he sees Guanlin’s smile in front of him and he smiles back, but he feels empty inside.

All that plays in Jihoon’s head is scenes of his life when he was 16. When he was holding Jinyoung’s hand, running across the corridor to his house, sneaking into Jihoon’s room and chatting until the sun went down. He loved the filter the sunset gave in his room. It’s a deep orange colour Jihoon never sees again. Jinyoung’s in front of him, laughing, throwing his head back and the light radiating from the crack in between the curtains are falling gently on Jinyoung’s nose, yes, it’s real and he sees it in front of him, and he feels his heart beat to Jinyoung’s laughter. It’s a beautiful sound, it brings calm and peace to Jihoon’s mind and that’s why he loved it so much. That’s why he loved being with Jinyoung so much. The feeling that Jinyoung brought to Jihoon was special. So special that Jihoon never felt it again after Jinyoung left.

And that’s how Jihoon lives now, surrounded by greener looking time. The memories that were painted in much brighter ink remind him that he loved. It’s almost like Jihoon’s begging the past to stay. He uses his memories to stay grounded because his memories contain Jinyoung and Jinyoung makes Jihoon feel grounded.

However, to live like he used to, Jihoon simply just takes what he can get. He has lines of men telling Jihoon they like his eyes so he kisses all those sickly sweet men, in search for something more. That was when Guanlin came along. Guanlin made Jihoon feel, he made Jihoon feel alive again. But, it was short-lived and soon Jihoon went back to thinking of running through gardens with Jinyoung while going on picnics with Guanlin. He knows it’s wrong to do this to Guanlin. He knows it’s cruel to use Guanlin like this but what could Jihoon do now? He’s merely just wishing life away.

Jihoon’s sick. He’s sick of faking diary entries. He’s sick of telling his mom that Guanlin makes him the happiest. He’s sick of pretending that roses remind him of Guanlin, not Jinyoung. He knows that he’ll never get over Jinyoung. He knows that when he’s old and full of regret, sitting on a stained wooden chair, he’ll close his eyes and that day he kissed Jinyoung in the convenience store at 12am when it was silent and only the faint buzzing from the fridge could be heard plays in his head. He knows that when he goes to a concert with Guanlin, he’ll be screaming and jumping with Guanlin but Jihoon’s brain will scream into a void, desperate to feel again. 

Jihoon’s scared. He’s scared that it’ll never end. That when it’s over, Jihoon will still be asking, “When?”


End file.
